sometimes i feel the need to defend myself when someone asks about my decision to quit work and "just be a mom". people want to know when i plan on returning to work, or if i plan to stay home forever. i find it interesting that most of the people who ask me this are not moms themselves...
the truth is: moms know that it is NOT easy whatever you do. whether you decide to work or stay at home, you will certainly feel guilty at one time or another. i commend those moms who work full time. i know it's hard to leave your babies. i cant even imagine trying to look the part and be present mentally (or at least pretend to be) after a restless night because your baby didn't feel well or refused to sleep for the fun of it. and i know that some of your families depend on your income... and some of you LOVE and get fulfillment from your jobs. and that's okay, too.
this just wasn't the case for me. the moment of clarity came for me when i realized that anyone could do my desk job... but i was the only one who could be carter's mom. i am sure that the next 6 months will fly by even faster than the last 6 did, and then i will be sitting here wondering where my baby went.
sometimes the days are long. REALLY long. sometimes there is forced feedings with a squirmy, fussy baby. sometimes there is hair pulling (which one of us thinks is hilarious. i'll let you guess which one). or a baby that wants to be held all day (but not rocking or sitting in one place), and i cannot get a single thing done. i am often counting down the hours and even minutes until bedtime because i am EXHAUSTED. and after he falls asleep on my shoulder and i put him to bed, i find myself wondering why i ever worried about the dishes, laundry or general appearance of the house and not giving that sweet boy my full attention.
often there is a messy living room, with burp clothes everywhere (until you need one of course, then they are no where to be found). i am constantly praying for patience and reminding myself that he will only be little for a LITTLE while- so i will soak up the snuggles, kiss those sweet cheeks and tickle that adorable belly... and try to remember every. single. moment. of the good days.
maybe i will return to work in the future, but for now i will focus on being a better mom today than i was yesterday for this little boy, who deserves the very best.
"your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be something you do, but someone you raise" - andy stanley.